Free Cinnamon Twists... for everyone!

If I ever own a restaurant, every item on the menu will be a really interesting proper noun. This has been done before, (ex: Wendy's The Baconator, KFC's Double Down, etc.) but I'm just saying... I'd do it, too. It helps the particular product stand out a bit. Would you rather eat a quesadilla from Bueno or Bell, or the Quackle Quesadilla from Double D's? A burger from McDonald's, or a Beefy Blaster from Double D's? Due to the sheer power of compelling name choices, Double D's would be a booming competitor in a matter of months. I should probably change the name of my restaurant.

When it comes to Taco _____ food chains, here's my list (not definitive):

1. Taco Bell (recently regained the top spot over Bueno due to my newfound appreciation of Beefy Five Layer Burritos)
2. Taco Bueno (delicious cinnamon chips, but a little bit expensive)
3. Taco Mayo (too many onions)
4. Taco Cabana (too many hidden onions)

Speaking of Taco Bell:

In the Edmond location, they offer free crap to those who can land a coin on the bottom platform of a perilous spinny doodad: cinnamon twists for a nickel, hard taco for a dime, and something else for a quarter. Needless to say, I'm only spending nickels. I don't mean to boast, but I am able to consistently land these little Jeffersons on the victory platform, and I'm constantly earning free cinnamon twists. Everyone knows that the best cinnamon twist is a free cinnamon twist. Sometimes, I'm not even hungry, and I just do it for the satisfaction of winning. Next time, I'll turn the thing around to show the Taco Bell man my achievement, tip my hat, and tell him to donate it to the orphans.

Speaking of Orphans:

When I was seven years old, I found a pirate ship toy that I'd had my eyes on for quite some time in my parents' closet.



It was December, so naturally I assume this is my Christmas present. Worst case scenario, it was Jed and I's "shared" present. When I confronted my mom about it, she told me it was for the orphans. As a naive seven year old, I felt inclined to trust whatever ridiculous thing my mom told me. I had no reason not to believe her. How could she! She knew I wanted it, so she buys that very thing for the orphans!? I harbored such resentment for the orphans that I recall telling a few school friends about this terrible misfortune. It turns out, the ship was for Jed and me. Still, there are times when I catch myself hating the orphans for no discernible reason, until I remember that my mom is just a dirty liar.